Communication Between Couples

Many things can complicate a relationship, whether it be money, sex or infidelity. However, some of these problems can be traced to a single, crucial element of all relationships: communication. Learning how to listen and clearly convey your thoughts and feelings could make certain issues easier to handle and solve.

Listening With Patience

If your partner claims you often misunderstand him, brush up on your listening skills. According to Eboni J. Baugh and Deborah Humphries of the University of Florida, bad listening habits are difficult to break, but you can do so if you notice your own patterns. Jumping to conclusions or thinking of your response before your partner is done talking is detrimental to understanding the issues your partner is addressing. No need to rush. Feeling like you need to have a comeback as quickly as possible turns a simple discussion into a competitive argument. The goal is not to "win" but to come out learning something about yourself and your partner.

Be Clear And Upfront

If you often feel misunderstood in your relationship, don't assume your partner isn't listening. The problem may be in how clearly you express your emotions and ideas. Negative words and combative body language can easily cloud an argument with feelings of hostility. Try using neutral words and statements centered on "I" rather than "you." When you point the issue at the other person, she can easily feel attacked. Calmness, neutrality and openness can make a difficult subject easier to hear.

When And Where

Life can often get in the way of open communication. The key is finding the right time to have serious discussions. Make an appointment if you have to, and rid yourself of all distractions (phones and TVs off, kids in bed). The setting is important as well. Arguments in public can lead to an embarrassing scene so keep it behind closed doors.

Other Tips

To ensure your arguments will come to a solution and will not run in circles, stay on topic. It is tempting to stray from the main issue and bring up past transgressions, but leave them in the past. Don't quibble over dates, times and other small pieces of the story. If it won't help your point get across, move on. Remember that your and your partner's opinions are the only ones that matter. Just because your mom agrees with you, doesn't mean she has anything to do with this discussion. Focus on your own thoughts and feelings.

The Aftermath

Now that the discussion is over, let it rest. Compliment each other on how well you were able to communicate. When you and your partner focus on enhancing your communication skills and arguing productively, it is the first step in solving hard issues. Great communication might not fix everything, but you won't have much chance to solve things without it.

Source: ehow.com

How to Improve Your Communication Skills With Your Boyfriend

Let's face it--like it or not--women tend to be the chattier of the sexes. But who wouldn't enjoy knowing her boyfriend a bit better? How can we girlfriends stack the cards in our favor? No more hiding the remote and hoping for the best, ladies. The keys to better communication may be easier than you think. 

1. Be authentic. Telling your boyfriend how you truly feel is telling him who you are. If you're pretending to be someone you're not, then you're wasting both his time and yours. Don't distort yourself in order to be someone you think he wants. All that will accomplish is a watering down of your personality and, ultimately, your appeal.

2. Exercise gentleness. Keeping a spirit of acceptance, empathy and non-judgment is key in hearing and being heard. Communication is about being open, and it's difficult to be open when you feel as if you could be hurt at any time. 

3. Ask open-ended questions. Approaching your man with inquiries that illicit a simple "yes" or "no" response and then expecting a lengthy or in-depth conversation surely sets you up for disappointment. Delve into what's on his mind by asking him what he thinks, how he feels or why he's motivated by what he loves in life.

4. Listen to your partner intently, and reflect what it is that you're hearing. This process is what mental health therapists call "mirroring." Imago Relationships International, a nonprofit counseling group, recommends ending with, "Did I get that?" or "Did I miss anything?" Summing up what your partner says, rather than interjecting your own view, is an excellent way to help him feel heard. When your boyfriend is feeling heard, he is more likely to open up and share even more with you. 

5. Be willing to be vulnerable. Letting someone into your mind and heart takes courage--and practice. If he sees you opening up, he'll feel safer doing the same. Also feel free to acknowledge his bravery if he suddenly lets you in on a topic he hasn't in the past. He will feel comforted knowing that you could see how difficult that was for him. 

6. Learn to stop arguments before they escalate. John Gottman, a psychologist who specializes in marriage and relationship counseling, states that successful repair and exit attempts are a major part of what separates the happy couples from those on rocky ground. According to his website, popular repair attempts include, "changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark... and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way.

Tips:  

- A few well chosen words are more powerful than long diatribes. When talking with men, less is often more.

- Choosing your moment is critical when approaching your boyfriend for serious discussions. Wait until he's not engrossed in something to let him know you'd like to talk.

- Take an active interest to what matters most to him. Asking thoughtful questions about what he loves will only endear you to him.

- Keep your body language open as this communicates a willingness to listen.

- Threats may very well be the kiss of death when it comes to communicating inside relationships. Don't tell him you'll leave him, even in extreme anger, unless you are prepared to stand by that statement. Dropping that bomb and not following through will only erode the integrity of your word in his eyes. In the end, remember always to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Source: ehow.com