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Tuesday, 25 August 2009

10 Relationship "Red Flags" You Shouldn't Ignore

1. Will Not Give You Their Home Phone Number

While it is completely understandable that many people do not want to give out their home number to people they recently met, there is a point in a relationship, especially when you've become emotionally and/or physically involved, that having their home number is reasonable to want and request. Be leery of staying involved with someone who wants to limit your ability to contact them by only a pager or cell phone.

2. Never Invite You Over to Their Home

Once you've become involved with someone, it is reasonable to want to see where, and how, they live. If the person continuously makes excuses why they do not want to invite you to their home, nor want you to stay there, be leery.

3. Evasiveness About Career, Family, and Background

Do you ever get the feeling that the answers they give you to questions you ask about them leave you having more questions? Do they seem to get short, defensive, or change the subject, when you ask? Be leery of this person if you often feel this way when asking about their job, family, and background.

4. Suddenly Changes Plans

Do you often find your mate canceling plans at the last minute, or little notice, because something "suddenly" came up with them? While it's understandable things happen and we have to change our schedules, ask yourself if this is something they regularly seem to do. When possible, most honest people try to give advanced notice of having to change plans out of courtesy and respect for the other person. Consistency is key when considering this.

5. Sudden Changes in Appearance

Has your mate recently dramatically changed the way they look or dress? New wardrobe? New gym membership? Had they ever mentioned to you before about some things they didn't like and wanted to change about their appearance? Many times, we discuss changes we want to make with our friends, family, and mates. Be leery if other "red flags" also exist.

6. Insists On Meeting At Odd Times and Places

Does your mate only seem to want to make dates during the week and never weekends? Only in morning for coffee and unavailable after the workday? Only late hours after most people have gone to sleep? Prefers meeting in private, or semi-private places? Be leery of a person who insists on this pattern of dating.

7. Often Unreachable

Does it seem that you are usually leaving voice messages at their work or cell phone? Do several hours, or even days, often pass before they return your call? Do they rarely call, but rather utilize e-mail as the main platform of starting and/or continuing a relationship with you and primary method of corresponding?
8. Haven't Met Their Friends
Have you tried to make plans to go out with their friends? Do they always have excuses why you can't meet, or why they don't want you to meet, their friends? Do they seem to be interested in introducing you to their friends? If you have met their friends, How do they seem to respond to you or act around you? Do they seem interested in getting to know you? What do they say about your mate? Let your instincts be a guide here.

9. Hang-Up Calls at Home

Do you live together and often get hang-ups when you answer the phone or on your answering machine? Is it becoming more regular? Are the hang-ups during times when your spouse or lover is usually home? Do the hang-ups seem to decrease or stop when your husband/wife is out of town?

10. Changes in Sexual Relationship

Does your lover seem to have an increased, or decreased, sex drive? Has their interest in the frequency of sex, sexual positions, or other sexual patterns with you changed? Consider these questions in conjunction with other "red flags."


Sunday, 23 August 2009

Dating Do's & Don'ts: Tips for a Successful Date

If you want to turn a first date into a second, there's a few guidelines you may want to follow:
DO take her to a cozy coffee shop or out for a drink and appetizers on your first date. These spots allow you to actually talk and get to know one another over a few drinks or bite to eat. There's nothing worse than taking a first date to a movie where you can't talk or a 5-course meal that you can't get out of if the date goes badly. Go into the date with thinking positive that it will go well, but with an out in the back of your mind in case it doesn't.

DON'T take him/her to a place you've never been previously. Select a place that you're familiar with ahead of time, which will allow you to fully focus on your date rather than worry about the food, the ambience, or the wait staff.

DO get creative with your date ideas. Plan something out of the ordinary rather than your standard dinner date. Find out what he/she is interested in and take that into consideration. Look in your local entertainment guide for ideas on upcoming events. If you're stumped for ideas, check out our huge list of romantic date ideas.

DON'T be late. Whether you're picking up your date or meeting there, make sure that you arrive on time. Arriving late (unless there are unavoidable circumstances) is a good way to ensure that a first date does not turn into a second one. If you are going to be late for any reason at all, call your date ahead of time and let them know.

DO pay attention to your appearance. Research shows that within three seconds of meeting someone, you are evaluated, even if it's just a glance. Once a first impression is made, it's virtually irreversible, so make it a good one. Pay attention to your clothing and general cleanliness, making sure that you appear put together, clean, and neat.

DO compliment your date. Women (and men for that matter) appreciate complements. Tell her that she looks pretty or that you like her smile. Tell him that he smells nice or looks great.

DON'T look away during the conversation. Keeping eye contact is a sign that you're interested in him/her and what they have to say.

DO turn your cell phone off or on vibrate. Answering your phone will on a date is the epitome of rudeness.

DON'T talk about yourself the entire time. Ask your date questions about him/her self and share your own thoughts and stories when appropriate. Remember that balance in conversation is the key. The point is for both of you to get to know one another.

DO insist on ordering and sharing a dessert. Most women won't order dessert, but sharing one with a date can be super sexy. Go for something chocolate -- it's a favorite among women, plus it's an aphrodisiac.

DON'T go overboard with jokes. Everyone appreciates a little humor -- it lightens the mood and makes you smile -- but too many jokes makes it seem like you're trying too hard.

DO touch and flirt. Give a smile, gently touch her arm, or hold his hand. These acts show that you're interested and bring about a sense of intimacy.

DON'T be overbearing. Ask what he/she wants whether it's a drink, a movie, or a restaurant.

DO be a gentleman -- open the doors, pull out her chair, and be polite to the wait staff. A little old fashioned chivalry makes a woman swoon.

DON'T talk about past relationships. This conversation is often a first date killer for both women and men.

DO suggest continuing the date if it's going well. If you went out for a drink, invite him/her to dinner or a club. You may want to suggest going for a short walk afterwards. If your date is going well, a walk under the stars holding hands only adds to the romance.

DON'T get too touchy-feely. Holding hands is perfect for a first date. Anything more than that may be a bit overbearing.

DON'T invite them back to your place on the first date. Even if the date went really, really well, it's better to save this for at least date number three.

DO walk her to the door when the date is over. If it went well, give her a kiss, but keep it light. It will leave him/her wanting more.

DON'T ask for his/her number if you're not going to call. It's rude and can leave your date with hurt feelings.


Saying "I Love You" in Foreign Language

Looking for a unique way to say "I Love You"? Try saying it in a foreign language. Here's our guide to saying "I love you" in over 100 different foreign languages. 

Ek is lief vir jou.
Ek het jou lief.
-- Afrikaans

Te dua.
Te dashuroj.
-- Albanian

Ich hoan dich gear.
-- Alsacien

With your thumb, index and pinky fingers extended, middle and ring fingers folded down (combined signs for I, L, and Y).
-- American Sign Language

-- Amharic

Shi ingolth-a.
-- Apache

Ana Behibak (to a male).
Ana Behibek (to a female) .
-- Arabic

Sirem zk 'ez.
-- Armenian

-- Aztec

Nere maitea.
-- Basc

Maite Zaitut.
-- Basque

Holong rohangku di ho.
-- Batak

I mog di narrisch gern.
-- Bavarian

Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi.
-- Bengali

Lakh tirikh.
-- Berber

Namumutan ta ka.
-- Bicol

Volim te.
-- Bosnian

Obicham te.
-- Bulgarian

-- Burmese

kh_nhaum soro_lahn nhee_ah.
Bon sro lanh oon.
-- Cambodian

Ngo oi ney.
-- Cantonese

-- Catalan

-- Cherokee

-- Cheyenne

Wo ie ni.
-- Chinese

Mi aime jou.
-- Creole

Volim te.
-- Croatian

Miluji te.
-- Czech

Jeg elsker dig.
-- Danish

Ik hou van jou.
-- Dutch

Canda munani.
-- Ecuador Quechua

Anna bahebek.
-- Egyptian

I love you.
-- English

Mi amas vin.
-- Esperanto

Mina armastan sind.
-- Estonian

Tora dust midaram.
-- Farsi

-- Filipino

Min� rakastan sinua.
-- Finnish

Ik zie oe geerne.
-- Flemmish

Je t'aime.
-- French

Ik ha^ld fan dy.
-- Friesian

Ta gra agam ort.
-- Gaelic

Me shen mikvarxar.
-- Georgian

Ich liebe dich.
-- German

S' ayapo.
-- Greek

-- Greenlandic

Tane Prem Karoo Choo.
-- Gujrati

Mandi komova toot.
-- Gypsy or Romany

Ina sonki.
-- Hausa

Aloha wau ia oe.
-- Hawaiian

aNEE oHEIVET oTKHA (female to male).
aNEE oHEIV otAKH (male to female).
Ani ohev at (man to woman).
Ani ohevet atah (woman to man).
-- Hebrew

Mein Tumse Pyar Karta Hoon.
-- Hindu

Kuv Hlub Koj
-- Hmong (Laos)

Wa ai lu.
-- Hokkien

Nu' umi unangwa'ta.
-- Hopi

Szeretlek te'ged.
-- Hungarian

Eg elska �ig.
-- Icelandic

Mai tumase pyar karata hun (to female) or Mai tumase pyar karati hun (to male).
-- Indian

Saya cinta padamu.
-- Indonesian

-- Inuktitut

Taim i' ngra leat.
-- Irish

Ti amo.
-- Italian

Beko ai anata.
Kimi o ai shiteru.
-- Japanese

Men seny jaksy kuremyn.
-- Kazakh

-- Kiswahili

-- Klingon

Tangsinul sarang ha yo.
-- Korean

Ez te hezdikhem.
-- Kurdish

Khoi huk chau.
-- Lao

Ego Te amo.
-- Latin

Es tev milu.
-- Latvian

Nalingi yo.
-- Lingala

As tave myliu.
-- Lithuanian

-- Luo

Sakam Te.
-- Macedonian

Saya cintakan awak.
Saya Cintakan.
-- Malay

-- Maltese

Wo ai ni.
-- Mandarin

-- Mohawk

Ayor anosh'ni.
-- Navajo

-- Ndebele

Jeg elsker deg.
-- Norwegian

-- Onondaga

Muje se mu habbat hai.
-- Pakistani

Tora dost daram.
-- Persian

Ie ovele ouye.
-- Pig Latin

Kocham cie.
-- Polish

Eu te amo.
-- Portuguese (Brazil)

Eu amo-te.
-- Portuguese (Portugal)

Te iubesc.
-- Romanian

Ya tebya lyublu.
-- Russian

O te alofa ya te oe.
-- Samoan

Taham twan sneham karomi.
-- Sanskrit

Tha gra\dh agam ort.
-- Scot Gaelic

Sdnbyuh Ayeama.
-- Scottish

Volim te.
-- Serbian

-- Shona

Techi 'hila.
-- Sioux

Lubim ta.
-- Slovak

Ljubim te.
-- Slovenian

-- Somali

Te amo.
-- Spanish

Mimi nakupenda.
-- Swahili

Jag alskar dig.
-- Swedish

Ch'ha di g�rn
-- Swiss-German

Bhebbek (to female) or Bhebbak (to male).
-- Syrian

Iniibig kita.
-- Tagalong

Ua Here Vau la Oe.
-- Tahitian

Gwa ai lee.
-- Taiwanese

Pom rak khun.
-- Thai

Khyod-la cags-so.
-- Tibetan

Ha eh bak.
-- Tunisian

Seni seviyorum.
-- Turkish

Ya vas lublu.
-- Ukrainian

Ik hou van jou.
-- Vlaams

Wani ra yana ro aisha.
-- Vulcan

Rwy'n dy garu di.
-- Welsh

Ikh hob dikh lib.
-- Yiddish

Ja te volim.
-- Yugoslavian

Ezhele hezdege.
-- Zazi

Ngi ya thandela wena.
-- Zulu

Tom ho' ichema
-- Zuni

Tom ho' ichema
-- Zuni


Friday, 21 August 2009

Words of Wisdom

Even sunshine burns sometimes.

Chocolate is like a bandaid. It can make your problems feel much better for awhile until it falls off or you run out.

The one who loves you will not make you cry alone at night thinking about him/her. They will be right beside you telling you it will be alright.

My life have taught me one vital thing and that is: I came into this world alone. I shall leave it alone. And, if I have to live in it alone, so be it! I contend to live it in peace with myself.

Kisses are not promises. 

Let go of what is gone and hold on to what you have.

You cannot change anybody but yourself so don't try to change your partner. Love him/her as he/she is. You'll get better results.

Love is action; not just a feeling. 

Be happy that you are friends rather than cry because that's all you'll ever be?

A real man doesn't make love to a million women. A real man makes love to one women a million ways.

Immature love says "I love you because I need you". Mature love says "I need you because I love you".

The way to love anything, is to realize it can be lost.

If you want to be successful in life, be a wise. If you want to be successful in love, be foolish.

Some people are like crystal. Pretty to look at, but you can see right through them.

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Remember: Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

They say forgive and forget, but if someone is worth forgiving then you'll never forget them.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

Love is accepting, not expecting.

You think you look strong because you can hold on, but strength lies in letting go.

Love is like growing --it's hard to feel, sometimes, and even harder to see, but when you look back on it, you realize how far you've come. 

It isn't what happens in your life that matters most, it is what your heart does with it, who it shares it with and what together they learn from it.

In all your remembering, remember that you have choices.

Though many people will go in and out of your heart only one will want to stay there. If you bulid a heart full of holes, think how much easier it is to hang on.


Romance Trivia

A collection of romance trivia and unusual romance and relationship facts from around the web. 

Wild cabbage was traditionally recommended as an aphrodisiac.

Catholic Valentine Celebrations
The Catholic Church formally recognizes a total of 11 Valentine's days: Jan 7, Feb 14, May 2, Jul 16, Aug 31, Sep 2, Oct 25, Nov 1 and Nov 3, Nov 11 Nov 13, and Dec 16.

Coffee Break Romance
It's reported that more than 10,000 marriages a year now are directly traceable to romances which begin during coffee breaks.

Diamond Engagement Rings
The first diamond engagement ring was presented in 1477 by Archduke Maximillian of Austria to Mary of Burgundy.

Engagement Lengths
The average engagement lasts 6 months.

First Love
Two out of five marry their first love.

Forgotten Romance
Most recent research indicates just about 9,000 romantic couples each year take out marriage licenses, then fail to use them.

Go Ahead and Kiss
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends that you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.

Having Sex?
According to a survey, the second most popular reason for having sex is to produce a baby.

We've been told of two different theories as to where the term 'honeymoon' originated.

1. The word honeymoon first appeared in the 16th century. 'Honey' is a reference to the sweetness of a new marriage and 'moon' is a bitter acknowledgment that this sweetness, like a full moon, would quickly fade.

2. The history of the term 'honeymoon' dates back to the Norse, who would drink a quantity of Mead (or Honey wine) for the first month (Moon) of marriage. Exactly why is not known, but theory suggests that it was to increase fertility.

Longest Marriage
Canadian hunter and trapper Joseph Henry Jarvis (b. 6/15/1899) and wife, Annie (b. 10/10/1904), have been married for 79 years.

Marriage In Ancient Rome
In ancient Rome there was no legal ceremony by a priest, minister, or civil servant or any 3rd party to solemize a marriage and there were no formal records of the marriage. The couple agreed to live together and they became recognized as married by the fact they lived together, or by actions such as the man referring to the lady as his wife, or by evidence of a dowry, or by the general acceptance of their life-style as representing a husband-wife relationship. Divorce was by agreement or by simply leaving the household on the part of either partner.

Mating Birds
It was believed that birds chose their mates on February 14th and because doves mate for life, they have become a symbol of fidelity.

Median Age for Marriage
In 1970, brides were on average 20.8 years old when they married, while grooms were 23.2. Americans are now marrying later in life. In the year 2000, brides were on average 25.1 with their grooms averaging 26.8.

Morning Kissing
Studies indicate that a man who kisses his wife good-bye when he leaves for work every morning averages a higher income than those who don't. Husbands who exercise the rituals of affection tend to be more painstaking, more stable, more methodical, thus, higher earners. Studies also show that men who kiss their wives before leaving in the morning live 5 years longer than those who don't.

Oldest Bride
Minnie Munro became the world's oldest bride when she married Dudley Reid at the age of 102 on May 31, 1991. Reid, the groom, was 83 years old.

Oldest Groom
Harry Stevens was 103 when he married 84 year old Thelma Lucas at the Caravilla Retirement Home in Wisconsin on December 3, 1984.

On Bended Knee
One in 5 men proposes on one knee.

Phone Proposals
6% of men proposed to their girlfriends over the phone.

Red Roses
Red roses are the most popular flower to give on Valentine's Day and although they may all look the same to the untrained eye, there are actually more than 900 different varieties of dark-red and medium-red roses.

Roman Romance
Juno, queen of heaven and partner to Jupiter (a.k.a Zeus, the king of gods) rules over marriage, the hearth and childbirth. The month of June takes its name from her, making it most appropriate for weddings.

Romance Novels
Romance Novels are more popular than ever. 53% of all mass market paperback books sold in this country are Romances. Romance novels earn more money in the USA yearly than baseball! So, what's the national pastime?

Sex Manuals
The oldest sex manuals were published in China 5,000 years ago.

Sweetest Day
It began in Cleveland, Ohio during the depression years to give a "small token of friendship orphans, shut-ins, the underprivileged, and the homeless." Today the holiday has expanded and become more commercialized as a romantic holiday.

Sweetest Day Origins
While sweetest day is not known in all parts of the country, it is extremely popular in others. Some speculate that it's simply a Hallmark invented holiday to get more money out of our pockets. Do you know how it really came about?

The Longest Engagement
Sixty-seven years, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. The happy couple finally wed at age 82!

Tying the Knot
The expression, "tying the knot" dates to Roman times, when the bride wore a girdle that was tied in knots - which the groom then had the fun of untying.

US Marriage Rates
The Wall Street Journal, citing U.S. Census Bureau research, reports that the U.S. marriage rate is significantly higher in the Mountain States (thanks primarily to Nevada's wedding industry), along with the East South Central States of Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky and Alabama. The Northeast region of the country has the lowest marriage rate.

Valentine's Day Cards
Approximately one billion Valentine's Day cards are sold in the United States each year, according to the Greeting Card Association, which makes Valentine's Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas.

Valentine's in Las Vegas
The Las Vegas Marriage License Bureau is open around the clock on February 14th.

World's 2nd Largest Box of Chocolates
For Valentine's Day 2000, a liqueur manufacturer created the world's largest box of chocolates. The heart-shaped box, assembled in New York City, measured 15 feet high by 15 feet wide and weighed some 1300 pounds. It held the record until November of 2002, when Marshall Fields broke the record with a 2,002 pound box of chocolates in Chicago.

Your Hand in Marriage
Only 4% of men ask for the parent's approval for their bride's hand in marriage.

Types of Hugs

From a friendly hug to a passionate squeeze, hugging is the universal language of love, comfort, and friendship. Read through this list of different types of hugs and pick a few to try with your sweetie. If you have an different type of hug that you'd like to see here, submit it and we'll add it to the list. 

'I Love You' Hug
A close cheek-to-cheek hug that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.

'I Want You Now' Hug
A close hug with a bit of rubbing and grinding.

Big Bear Hug
Pull your partner in really, really, really close, put your arms completely around them, and squeeze tight.

Butt Squeeze Hug
A sexy, passionate hug. Pull your partner in close, lift your leg around their legs and give their butt a passionate squeeze.

Ecstatic Jump-n-Hug
Run at your partner and jump into their arms with excitement!

Encouraging Hug
Pull your partner close and give them a gentle squeeze with a light pat on the back.

Friendly Hug
Put your arms lightly around your partner's shoulders and give a gentle squeeze.

Group Hug
A hug involving multiple people - family or friends - where you all put your arms around one another.

Half Hug
A quick wrap, lightly touching your partner where your arms only go halfway around (hence, half a hug).

Hello & Goodbye Hug
A quick, semi-close hug paired with a kiss on the cheek.

Hug of Joy
A semi-close hug with excitement and movement that often times includes a bit of excitement jumping.

Passionate Squeeze
Pull your partner in closely and give them a passionate squeeze as you gently kiss along their neck.

Snuggle Hug
Usually works best when sitting on a couch, etc. Drape your arm around your partner's shoulders and snuggle up in close!

Spoon Hug
While not normally thought of as a hug, the 'spoon' is essentially your arms wrapped around your partner -- a hug! While lying in bed on your side, pull your partner close and wrap your body around theirs in a 'spoon' position.

Sympathy Hug
Pull your partner close and lay their head lightly on your shoulder as you give their back a light rub.

Tree Hug
Find a large tree (perhaps while picnic-ing), and each partner wrap their arms around the tree to meet the other partner's hands.


Kissing Tirvia

A Liftetime of Kissing
The average person will spend an estimated 20,160 min kissing in their lifetime.

Ancient Egyptians
Ancient Egyptians never kissed with their mouths. Instead they kissed with their noses.

First Kiss
50% of all people kiss have their first kiss before they are 14.

Healthy Kissing
Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva helps clean out your mouth.

Kissathon Record
On Valentine's Day 2004, 5,122 Philippine coupes gathered together at midnight and locked lips. This kissathon beat the previous world record of 4,445 couples set in January in Chile.

The Chinese didn't kiss until the practice was introduced by Westerners, and they're still not very keen on it.

Kissing & Calories
You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.

Kissing Chemicals
Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) as those that are released when you engage in intense exercise such as running a marathon or skydiving. This causes your heart to beat faster and your breathing to become deep and irregular.

Kissing Colors
Some theorize that when you kiss a person with the same hair color as yourself, the result is a more passionate kiss.

Kissing Many People
On September 15, 1990, Alfred Wolfram from New Brighton kissed 8001 people in just 8 hours, over sixteen people a minute, at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival.

Kissing Muscles
You use only two muscles on your face when you give a peck kiss but you use all of your facial muscles and burn more calories during a passionate kiss.

Kissing Simultaneously
More than 4,400 couples poured in the streets in Chile for a 10 second kiss, setting the world record for the largest number of people kissing simultaneously.

Kissing Throughout Your Life
On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.

Longest On-Screen Kiss
The longest on-screen kiss was the 3 minutes, 5 second liplock between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in "You're in the Army Now."

Lovapalooza 2 Kissing Record
More than 5,300 couples locked lips for at least 10 seconds in Manila, Philippines to kick off Valentine's Day 2005. This breaks Chile's old record of 4,445 couples.

Night Kissing
Our brains have special neurons that help us find eachothers lips in the dark

Science of Kissing
The science of kissing is called philematology.

Strange Kissing Laws
There are many strange laws regarding kissing that are still on the books. In Indiana, it is illegal for a man with a moustache to "habitually kiss human beings". And in Hartford, CT, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on a Sunday.

The Kiss of Death
In Naples, Italy in the 16th century, kissing was an offence that carried the death penalty.

Turning Heads while Kissing
Onur Guentuerkuen of Ruhr-University Bochum in Bochum, Germany, studied hundreds of couples kissing. In his study, he found that two-thirds of people turn their heads to the right when kissing.

Valentine Kissing Record
On Valentine's Day 2004, an Italian couple made their way into the record books with a 31-hour 18-minute Valentine kiss. The couple beat the previous record by 18 minutes and 33 seconds, however, the man had to receive oxygen afterwards.

World's Longest Kiss
April 5, 1999: Karmit Tsubera and Dror Orpaz kissed for a record 30 hours and 45 minutes to win a kissing contest in Rubin Square, Tel Aviv, Israel.


Tuesday, 18 August 2009

10 Ways to Get Close as A Couple


A common concern that many couples express is that their partner "doesn't listen" or "refuses to understand" or reacts with harsh words. "A quick retort can ruin everything," notes the writer of Proverbs (Prov. 13:3, NLT).(*) A simple way to defuse a pattern of miscommunication is to practice receptive listening. That means dropping all defenses in order to learn what the other person is really saying and feeling. Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after being married nearly 50 years, said: "My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we've kept it no matter how angry we've grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen--because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations." 


Couples who worship, pray, read Scripture, and participate in a faith community generally have stronger, happier marriages. Their faith in God is one more tie that binds them together. Ricardo Montalban is well known for his many roles, especially that of Mr. Roarke, the white-suited host on the television program "Fantasy Island." Montalban is also a committed Christian who has been married to the same woman, Georgiana, for several decades. He credits their deep faith in God for the satisfaction and success of their marriage. "If you stick to your principles, religion, and convictions, you'll be rewarded," he says. "You need many different kinds of glue in a marriage: love, humor, respect--and belief in God. That's the strongest of all. It's kept us together." 


"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" advises Paul (Col. 3:13, NIV).([dagger]) The apostle knows whenever human beings live together they can cause each other pain--intentionally and unintentionally. The path that leads to healing from lingering hurts is forgiveness. Choosing forgiveness means favoring the positive and giving the marriage a second chance. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or whitewashing what has happened. Forgiveness means letting go of the hurt, moving on in the relationship, learning from the experience, and using the information to build a stronger marriage. A good example is the following letter, written by Jennifer to her husband after she was offended by insensitive comments he made during a heated argument a week earlier. 

"Michael, I was very hurt by what was spoken, but at the same time I can see you're human and can make mistakes. I forgive you. I love you and our life together. I want us to understand each other even better and grow from this. When one of us is unhappy with something in our relationship, we need to speak before the feelings erupt into a full-scale argument. Let's make our marriage even better than it was. I love you, Jennifer." 


As a couple take some time to look back together at the events that make up your common history. The sharing of these memories is effective in rekindling feelings of warmth, affection, and love. "God gave us memories that we might have roses in December," wrote James M. Barrie. The sharing of memories can be done verbally. "Remember the year we lived in Washington, D.C., and the power went off for two days? We snuggled and slept in 
front of the fireplace." The sharing of memories can also be visual. Try turning off the television one evening to look over old photo albums savoring and treasuring the memories recorded in them. 


Taking the initiative for doing things together seems to get forgotten and neglected the longer a couple is married. "It's easier to wait for our spouse to suggest going out for a date, what we ought to do on vacation, having friends over for dinner, taking a stroll around the block," observes writer Carole Mayhall. "And so we settle into a comfortable (if boring) rut and wonder where the excitement went." Couples who want to get closer will take some time to think about experiences that can deepen their love and then act on those ideas. 


The ability to feel remorse--that sense of guilt over a wrong one has done--is essential for any marriage to succeed and thrive. Remorse is a positive force that drives a spouse to admit a wrong, extend an apology, and seek forgiveness. A spouse who feels remorse demonstrates respect and love for a partner. Remorse is a powerful healing agent within a marriage. "It's hard to say why an unexpected bowl of popcorn, placed at your end of the couch, can erase the leftover tension from a quarrel, but it can," notes Philadelphia clinical psychologist Judith Sills, Ph.D. "Maybe because it says, `I'm sorry I was in a bad mood,'" she adds. 


One of the most important ways to deepen love is through time. A couple cannot grow in love without spending timetogether. Bill and Kristin, a Los Angeles professional couple, have very busy, hectic schedules. Yet every month they compare calendars, choose a day, and mark it in large letters: NOTHING. They take the day from work, pass up all social events, and spend the day together enjoying each other. "The day is completely unstructured," Bill explains. "Once we got out of bed, went to a video store, and rented two videos. Then we returned to our house, cuddled up on the couch, and enjoyed a double feature together. Another time we might spend the morning catching up on our magazine reading, then go for a walk in the park and perhaps enjoy a picnic lunch. The point isn't what we do, but simply that we are spending time together." 


Many spouses say they feel unappreciated and even rejected by their partners. Couples who are close and remain that way practice praising early and often. They know the importance of being a cheerleader and of providing the applause of appreciation. "We have never met a person who was suffering from too much praise, acceptance, or support from those around him," note Kevin and Marilyn Ryan in their book Making a Marriage. "We have both been surprised that simple compliments have meant so much to the other. We thought surely the other person knew how much we valued this or that aspect of him or her. We have come to believe that all of us are struggling in an impersonal world and are plagued by self-doubt. We need to be told about our strengths and the things we do well. And we need to be told early and often." 


Couples who have never drifted apart are inevitably those who have made it a habit to talk openly about issues. Even though such a conversation could result in some pain, they do not avoid or evade issues. It is wiser to express and explore feelings early before they become more intense. David has been married 50 years to the same woman. Their family now includes two children, nine grandchildren, and a great-grandchild. Looking back over his satisfying marriage, he says: "As a husband who's proud of his 50 years of marriage and hopes for many more, I believe that what contributes to our success is that we always talk out minor problems and differences that arise between us before they fester and get bigger. 
We hug each other often.... We're considerate of each other and give in once in a while, even when giving in isn't what we'd like to do." 


Couples who remain close are constantly growing in their knowledge of the world around. The information they absorb benefits them both professionally and personally. 

A good example is Jerri, a 38-year-old teacher in Chicago who has been married 15 years. "My husband and I are always taking refresher courses of one kind or another," Jerri says. "The new ideas lead to many stimulating conversations and keep us from getting stale and bored with each other. We're both eager to grow intellectually and emotionally. Also, I've made it a point to read one article or book chapter about marriage each month--how to make it better, livelier, more satisfying. I gain many new insights and try applying them to our relationship--always with positive results." 

Finally, every marriage benefits greatly when couples maintain a sense of humor. "Humor is the sunshine of the mind," noted Edward George Bulwer-Lytton. Maintaining a sense of humor can take the sting out of disappointment and the bite out of an argument. Healthy couples know there is wisdom in simply laughing away some issues and problems.

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Charactheristics of Christian Wife

Following are scriptures concerning the role and characteristics of a Christian Wife.

1. She should not be a nag: 

Proverbs 21:9 

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome (contentious or strife-causing) wife. 

2. She should be industrious, hard-working, able to provide for her family, wise and able to bring honor to you: 

Proverbs 31 (excerpts) 

12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed (to be fully clothed) in scarlet (Commentary: scarlet–or, "purple," by reason of the dyes used, the best fabrics; as a matter of taste also; the color suits cold. (Fausset, A. R., A.M. "Commentary on Proverbs 31". "Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible".))

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

3. She is Willing to Be Submissive 

Ephesians 5:22-24 

 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.(Commentary: From v. 22 to the end he speaks of the duties of husbands and wives; and he speaks of these in a Christian manner, setting the church as an example of the wife’s subjection, and Christ as an example of love in husbands. I. The duty prescribed to wives is submission to their husbands in the Lord (v. 22), which submission includes the honouring and obeying of them, and that from a principle of love to them. They must do this in compliance with God’s authority, who has commanded it, which is doing it as unto the Lord; or it may be understood by way of similitude and likeness, so that the sense may be, "as, being devoted to God, you submit yourselves unto him.’’ (From: Henry, Matthew. "Commentary on Ephesians 5". "Matthew Henry Complete Commentary on the Whole Bible". ))

Charactheristics of Christian Husband

What attributes should you look for in a Christian mate? Following is a handy checklist of relevant scriptures that you should keep in mind as you search for your Christian soulmate:

1. He should be willing to put your relationship before all others:

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to (to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch) his wife, and they will become one flesh. 

2. He should be a good leader:

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head (metaphor, anything supreme, chief, prominent of persons, master lord: of a husband in relation to his wife of Christ: the Lord of the husband and of the Church of things: the corner stone) of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 

3. He should love you as much as he loves himself and be willing to give himself for you:

Ephesians 5

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.

Monday, 3 August 2009

10 Ways to Love Yourself As A Woman

1. Throw out your bathroom scales. Seriously. Do it now.
2. Eat well, and never starve yourself. Try to eat five small meals each day, make sure your plate is filled with colorful fruit and veggies before you add protein and starch, and forget about counting calories.
3. Take care of your body. Engage in moderate exercise 3-4 times per week, but find something you actually enjoy doing, and preferably outside in fresh air, such as walking, rollerblading, biking, hiking or skiing. If your schedule only allows you to get fresh air and exercise on the weekend, don’t fret about it too much. Just do your best.
4. Love what you see. When you look in the mirror, train yourself to focus on your best features and ignore your “imperfections.” I read somewhere that when women stand naked in front of a full-length mirror, their eyes are immediately drawn to the areas they’re unhappy with. Shouldn’t we stop doing that?
5. Be nice to yourself. Replace that negative self-talk you’re so good at with positive self-talk. My daughter recently changed the screen saver on her laptop to say “Welcome back. You’re awesome.” Shouldn’t we all follow her example?
6. Stop reading women’s magazines. You might think they provide harmless entertainment, but they are damaging your self esteem. Cosmo is notorious for teaching young women that a man’s needs come first, but Vogue and the others are not much better.
7. Take a self-defense class. It’s a great exercise, and the skills you acquire could empower you in dangerous situations.
8. Educate yourself about advertising, the motives behind it and why advertisers use women’s bodies to sell. Being aware of the messages advertisers in particular, and the media in general, send will help you filter out these harmful messages. Unfortunately, they will continue to shape society’s perceptions of women.
9. Reject the notions that a woman must suffer for beauty, and that “beautiful” has just one definition. During my teens, in the late eighties, I desperately wanted to look like the models I saw on magazine covers: blond, blue-eyed and tan. I hated my dark hair and pale skin. It took me several years to realize there’s more than one way to be beautiful.
10. Support other women. When you support other women, you are supporting yourself. So, when a woman announces she is running for office, try not to shred her to pieces right away. There’s nothing wrong with supporting a candidate “just because she’s a woman,” provided she’s as qualified for the job as other candidates. In most cases, she is.