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Saturday, 25 September 2010

32 Lesson Learned from @MarriageMentor

1. Always be student of your mate. Each season of married life is different.
2. When it comes to in-law issues, cleave to your spouse first and then let "blood talk to blood".
3. Learn each other love language and show them love in the way that's most meaningful to them.
4. Get a way at least once in a year as a couple - even if it's just for one night. Recharge your marriage by falling in love again.
5. Learn to listen with empathy, without trying to "fix" her problem.
6. Wives, be visually generous with your husband. He will greatly appreciate that.
7. Warm up their towel in the clothes dryer while they are in the shower. Then wrap them in it when they get out.
8. Discuss each person's 3 greatest needs at least annually. Then focus on helping them in those areas.
9. After a kiss and warm greeting, give your spouse some down time & space when they first get home from work.
10. Recognize that your spouse is a gift to you from God, and treat him/her that way.
11. Realize that wives need emotional release & husbands need sexual release. Neither is wrong; you’re just different.
12. Learn to love your in-laws as an act of loving service to your spouse. Actions 1st.The feelings will follow.
13. Take him to his favorite sporting event once in a while. Just being there with him will mean a lot!
14. Take her to a place she typically enjoys w/her girlfriends (e.g.a tea room). Then engage in face-to-face conversation.
15. Send the kids to a friend’s house, buy chocolate syrup & whipped cream and get creative with each other!
16. Take some dance lessons together & have some fun. Don’t keep putting it off until “some day”.
17. Go to church together weekly & pray out loud together daily (before meals doesn’t count). Reduces divorce risk to ~1%

to be continued..

(Source: Twitter @MarriageMentor)

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Communication Between Couples

Many things can complicate a relationship, whether it be money, sex or infidelity. However, some of these problems can be traced to a single, crucial element of all relationships: communication. Learning how to listen and clearly convey your thoughts and feelings could make certain issues easier to handle and solve.

Listening With Patience
If your partner claims you often misunderstand him, brush up on your listening skills. According to Eboni J. Baugh and Deborah Humphries of the University of Florida, bad listening habits are difficult to break, but you can do so if you notice your own patterns. Jumping to conclusions or thinking of your response before your partner is done talking is detrimental to understanding the issues your partner is addressing. No need to rush. Feeling like you need to have a comeback as quickly as possible turns a simple discussion into a competitive argument. The goal is not to "win" but to come out learning something about yourself and your partner.

Be Clear And Upfront
If you often feel misunderstood in your relationship, don't assume your partner isn't listening. The problem may be in how clearly you express your emotions and ideas. Negative words and combative body language can easily cloud an argument with feelings of hostility. Try using neutral words and statements centered on "I" rather than "you." When you point the issue at the other person, she can easily feel attacked. Calmness, neutrality and openness can make a difficult subject easier to hear.

When And Where
Life can often get in the way of open communication. The key is finding the right time to have serious discussions. Make an appointment if you have to, and rid yourself of all distractions (phones and TVs off, kids in bed). The setting is important as well. Arguments in public can lead to an embarrassing scene so keep it behind closed doors.

Other Tips
To ensure your arguments will come to a solution and will not run in circles, stay on topic. It is tempting to stray from the main issue and bring up past transgressions, but leave them in the past. Don't quibble over dates, times and other small pieces of the story. If it won't help your point get across, move on. Remember that your and your partner's opinions are the only ones that matter. Just because your mom agrees with you, doesn't mean she has anything to do with this discussion. Focus on your own thoughts and feelings.

The Aftermath
Now that the discussion is over, let it rest. Compliment each other on how well you were able to communicate. When you and your partner focus on enhancing your communication skills and arguing productively, it is the first step in solving hard issues. Great communication might not fix everything, but you won't have much chance to solve things without it.


Saturday, 1 May 2010

How to Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up

Relationships are always a challenge and they take a lot of time and dedication. This article will help you solve your relationship problems.

1. The main key to a relationship is communication. Relationships are nothing without good communication. When you and your spouse argue try not to yell. Just keep calm and explain how you feel and why you feel that way. Patience is a big part of communication. Let the other person speak without being interrupted.

2. Come up with a plan on how you are going to solve your problems. Lists help a lot. List all of the things you want to change about your relationship. Describe why you want it to change and how it could benefit your relationship in the future. Don't write down a list of all the things that annoy you about your spouse. This is about helping and growing in your relationship not accusing the other person of being wrong all the time.

3. After you have a list of things you think you should change about your relationship sit down with your spouse and discuss the list and figure out what should stay and what should go. Make compromises because that's what relationships are about. Work out your problems and talk about things like the future and your plans. Don't be stubborn and negotiate things.

- If you feel like yelling just say u need some time alone and take deep breaths
- Don't give up. Keep trying to solve your problems.